-the inability to gauge the emotions of others and then regulate their own is what makes BPD challenging
What happens when things go wrong?
How does this person react?
-you may find yourself in the position of having to be the voice of reason as you try to get the individual to calm down
-the loss of emotional control seems to occur most often in situations involving other people. you may be berated, cajoled, and criticized for a supposed emotional slight, you wonder if there’s any chance of helping this person gain some self-control
-people with BPD often provoke anger and rejection in those they care about most. however they can also suffer when they’re in ordinary social situations
-“interpersonal contexts are the most common and most potent triggers of emotions,” moreover “difficulties in the ability to modulate or tolerate emotions is a transdiagnostic feature of psychopathology. Therefore it makes sense that Interpersonal Emotional Regulation could provide the key to understanding forms of psychopathology, including BPD, where emotional turmoil plays such a central role
-in contrast to those who lack emotional control, when distressed, people high in IER are able to engage in stress-busting strategies such as seeking social support and sympathy from the important people in their lives. they can tell people how they’re feeling in a calm and non-accusatory manner
-another adaptive IER strategy is the use of problem-solving to deal with an emotionally upsetting situation, getting practical advice is yet another known coping strategy that can both make people feel better and resolve difficult situations
-by contrast, people with BPD engage in maladaptive IER strategies that don’t reduce their distress, but only make it worse. excessive reassurance seeking is one of them. short-term, seeking reassurance may alleviate your distress, which only serves to reinforce your use of it. however, as an interpersonal strategy, it is draining on those people who constantly help to put you out of your emotional misery
-a second maladaptive IER strategy is venting, in which you try to make yourself feel better by letting it all out in the form of shouting and yelling. as an IER approach it won’t help, but will just make you more isolated and unhappy
-one of the reasons why people with BPD become such poor regulators of emotions is that they grew up in situations where their intense expression of emotions, such as venting, was reinforced by those caring for them. although they may have been largely ignored, their caregivers may have occasionally tried to soothe them when they got out of control. this intermittent pattern of reinforcement strengthened the venting behavior, leading these individuals as adults to continue their outbursts when they’re upset at other people
-“Intrinsic IER”-the process of regulating your own emotions rather than the emotions of someone else
-“DIRE”-difficulties in interpersonal regulation of emotions
-the “DIRE” scale breaks down into four proposed factors-maladaptive ones-venting and reassurance seeking, adaptive-avoidance, and acceptance
Things to do to feel better-
-raise your voice or complain to the person in charge
-distract yourself from how you are feeling
-complain to co-workers about how unfair the situation is
-simply notice your feelings
-avoid showing or feeling your distress
-keep contacting friends and loved ones
-keep asking for reassurance
The BPD Group 