Dating while you have BPD can be interesting. It can sometimes be difficult, it can sometimes be easy. The following is a list of ideas that can help you better navigate things. First I will talk about common symptoms of BPD in relationships, then I will talk about ways to better handle things.
Common symptoms of BPD in relationships
-hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism
-self-imposed social isolation
-extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships
-feelings of inadequacy
-severe low self-esteem
-self-loathing
-mistrust of others
-emotional distancing from others
-highly self-conscious
-self-critical about problems relating to others
-lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful
-feeling inferior to others
Tips on dating with BPD-
-Be open. Don’t be scared that if you’re too honest, you’ll scare your partner away. But you need to be truthful or you’ll end up bottling things up, and then exploding
-Sometimes it’s okay to not express your fears. Sometimes our fears are small and go away if we wait, to take a minute to think logically (if you can)
-It’s okay to show symptoms, Don’t be mad at yourself for mood swings, or other symptoms. Don’t be afraid to be honest about how you’re feeling
-Avoid expressing when you’re splitting. It’s hard not to let everything out when you’re mad and splitting, but try not to if you can. Try and suppress it for a little time and express your feelings once you’ve settled. This way you can express them neutrally without bias, and make sense when you do so
-Keep reminders of your partners care for you. Screenshot texts and keep them in a folder. When you are feeling unloved or the person isn’t responding, read through these to remind yourself they love you
-Ask your partner to give you small reminders. Ask “Every now and then can you remind me you love me?”
-Set guidelines. It’s okay to have certain things you get paranoid about. Tell your partner what you don’t like. A relationship is about caring for each other and making each other comfortable
Be prepared to compensate. Sometimes we get paranoid about things that we just have to let happen. If your partner is doing something you don’t like, distract yourself
-Find someone with BPD to vent to. They can understand and validate your fears, so you don’t end up feeling needy or mean
-When splitting, learn to distance yourself. If you notice you’re splitting for an unfair reason, it’s okay to distance yourself
-Don’t let yourself be invalidated. If you’re partner says something invalidating, mean, or hurtful, say something
-Teach your partner about BPD. This may help them to better understand
-Learn to say sorry. Sometimes we lash out, but apologizing will help the situation
-You deserve someone who’s willing to help you, send you little messages, not someone who invalidates you or is mean to you. We deserve a kind, loving, supporting relationship as much as everyone else
What your partner can do to help-
-Show us that you care-learn about the disorder, try to find out how to help
-Talk to us first-start conversations with us, because we can have trouble doing that ourselves
-We also can have a hard time making plans, so it’s better if you do it
-If you have plans with us, never, never invite someone else, anyone else, to come with
-Never surprise us with a bunch of people, like a surprise party
-Don’t bring us into situations you know we won’t be comfortable in
-Sometimes we need just a little break, or a little buffer between us and the situation
-Understand why sometimes we don’t want to go out in public
-Know that we sometimes don’t express affection very well
-Please respect our disorder
The BPD Group 