What I think people without BPD think of people with BPD

Nobody understands Borderline. It’s even hard for us with BPD to understand. And the people without Borderline will never understand, no matter how much they try, no matter how much research they do, no matter if they love the person with BPD or not, they just don’t have the capacity to understand.

Let’s take this symptom by symptom.

1 We have a intense fear of abandonment-we feel terrified of being abandoned, triggers can prompt frantic efforts to keep the other close. You may beg and cling, but these kinds of efforts usually drive others away. People without BPD have no idea what this feels like. It is pure suffering to us. To them, it’s nothing. Which makes it even worse for us. We can’t handle being left alone by the people we love. We weren’t taught this. It is called object constancy. At around age 2 or 3, our caregivers left us alone and didn’t come back. We were essentially abandoned, and we keep reliving this horror throughout our life. People with normal object constancy don’t understand our fret, because they were loved and taken care of during that stage in their life, so there is just no way they would understand.

2 Unstable relationships-people with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. We may fall in love quickly, believing that the person we are with will be “the one”, only you are quickly disappointed, as your s.o. dosen’t feel the same way about you. The people without BPD don’t understand this phenomenon. They may think you fall in love slowly or that you can’t know “the one” until years have gone by. Us, as people with BPD, are aware that we have rapid changes in the way we feel, from idealization to devaluation. We absolutely love our partner in the beginning, then the cracks start forming, they don’t remember a special day, they don’t text you back for five hours. And as those cracks grow bigger, so does the devaluation. Suddenly that person you thought was so perfect turned out to be the most horrible kind of person for you, and usually they’re mean and insulting. But they don’t think they’re being mean, they think they’re being smart and helping you. How does someone without BPD help someone with BPD? It’s simply not possible.

3 Unclear or shifting self-image-when you have BPD your sense of self is typically unstable. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are and what you want in life. People without Borderline definitely don’t understand this. They have clear boundaries and set values. People with BPD don’t know how to set boundaries, they don’t have set values. We don’t know what this is. We are considered a chameleon personality, we are able to switch personalities depending on who we’re with or what situation we’re in. I really don’t think that people without BPD even know about this, less understand it. But we with BPD struggle with this question all the time, who are we? We don’t know. Ask someone without BPD and they will know exactly what they want to be.

4 Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors-We as people with BPD may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may spend money, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, gamble, or overdue it with drugs or alcohol. What we understand is that in those moments of the above behaviors, we may feel better for the moment, but in the long-run they hurt you and you around you. People without BPD just don’t understand how we can turn to these behaviors, because their rational mind is telling them that there will be consequences, and those with Borderline can’t think rationally in the moment, it’s just not possible. What the people without BPD do not understand is the intense guilt and shame we feel after an incident. It’s like a bad cycle.

5 Self-harm-Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD, with 75% attempting to do it. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt, whereas self-harm encompasses all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. People without BPD can have no idea what we are feeling. And it seems they don’t care, because soon they will not take your suicidal behaviors seriously, even thought any attempt should be taken seriously. These people could care less about you. Think about it, you are suffering in your head constantly and you just want some relief from the pain. But you get no relief. Because they sometimes will stop you from performing these actions. And sometimes they won’t care at all

6 Extreme emotional swings-people with BPD can switch their emotions quickly, one moment they might feel happy, and the next angry. What people without BPD don’t understand is what happens between a trigger and the appearance of an emotion.First a trigger must occur, say your significant other gaslights you for having BPD. In that very second, we go through a series of feelings and thoughts, like anger, sadness, disbelief, rage, self-harm, needing to something impulsive, guilt, shame, and suicide. We think those things so quickly that we cannot rationally think any other way, because of that trigger, our brains are stuck in the rut we have always known, and despise. In this case, the s.o. probably starts to blame you, instead of recognizing that we, as human people, are allowed to have feelings beyond our Borderline.

7 Chronic feelings of emptiness-People with BPD often talk about feeling empty. At the extreme they may feel as if they’re “nothing” or “nobody”. This feeling is so extremely uncomfortable that you will do almost anything to fix it, like filling the void with things like drugs, food, or sex. But none of these things will truly satisfy you. I call BPD “constant suffering”, and this feeling of emptiness certainly compounds that suffering, and makes it nearly unbearable to live each day. People without BPD have no idea what this feels like, they only see the aftermath, like impulsive spending to suicide. How many people do you know that could handle constant suffering, everyday?

8 Explosive Anger-If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit. This could be anger directed outward, but is more likely inward anger. There are many instances when anger will come into play, and the worse the trigger is, the worse the anger will be. I think if anybody without BPD could understand what we go through, they may be able to a tiny inkling of this

9 Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality-people with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about other’s motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality-an experience known as dissociation, you may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your body. Most people without BPD have probably never experienced dissociation, so they have no idea the paranoia, fear, stress, and anger. It’s these strong emotions that cause us to dissociate