For me, BPD has been a constant presence in my life.
I remember having huge feelings from the time I was little. I was very sensitive, and I cried. A LOT. I was very quiet and shy.
Then I had a life-changing experience.
Fourth grade. I come in from recess and hear my teacher saying “I hate that Amber Howard girl” to another teacher. What?! Of course my feelings were hurt. I didn’t understand. I ran to the bathroom and cried.
Then I had a lightbulb moment.
I was suddenly conscious of everything around me. And if she hated me for who I was, a quiet girl who barely talked and never got in trouble, I was going to change who I was and really make her hate me. Yes, that was my plan.
I became a rebel who constantly got into trouble, a truly hated girl. And I didn’t care.
My home life wasn’t any better. I rebelled against my abusive overbearing mother. She was very mean to me, I felt scared all the time. I was always confused by what was happening.
I didn’t know when she would blow up next…
The BPD Group 