We just wish you could understand, understand our pain, understand our mind, understand that sometimes we might make mistakes, but we still need you to love us. We need you to reassure us. We need you to be there for us. We need you to not abandon us. We just need you.-
If your loved one has BPD, it is important to recognize that he or she is suffering
-Their destructive behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain
-Communication is key-listen to your loved one and acknowledge his or her feelings-listen actively and be sympathetic
-focus on the emotions, not the words
-try to make the person with BPD feel heard
-do your best to stay calm, even when the person with BPD is acting out
-seek to distract your loved one when emotions rise
-talk about things other than the disorder
-People with BPD benefit from a home environment that is calm and relaxed
-all loved ones should know not to discuss important issues when the individual is in crisis mode
-it’s important not to place too much emphasis or praise on progress, or an individual may begin to self-sabotage
-when the person becomes reactive, take the time to listen without pointing out the flaws in their argument
-if the individual feels like they’re being heard, the crisis is less likely to escalate
-listening and reflecting can be the most effective strategy in communicating with someone with BPD
-statements of reflection and summarizing can also help an individual feel heard
-Other things you can do for your loved one
1 Learn about the illness-There are many misconceptions about BPD. Educate yourself about the condition, its symptoms, and its prognosis from reputable sources. It can help you gain a better understanding of what your loved one is going through
2 Validate their feelings-People with BPD experience reactions and an intensity of emotion that people without the disorder can often not relate to. Their feelings are very real to them. You can provide validation without agreeing with them, simply mirror back what they are telling you. *Validation is so critical for people with BPD that it has become one of the most central components of treatment.*
3 Simplify your message-When speaking with a person who has BPD, especially about sensitive issues, remember emotion is likely to be so strong that neither of you can do high-level thinking. Make each sentence short, simple, and direct, leave no room for interpretation.
4 Encourage responsibility-Encouraging responsibility is sometimes the most loving thing you can do. Allow them to experience natural consequences, it can help them understand that they need help.
5 Set boundaries-setting and sticking to boundaries can give you a both a much-needed sense of structure. It encourages your loved one to be accountable for their choices. It keeps you from enduring unacceptable behavior. It can ultimately strengthen your relationship.
6 Don’t ignore threats of suicide or self-harm-Many people see these acts as attention-seeking and manipulative, however actual suicide and self-harm are extremely common amongst people with BPD and threats should never be ignored. Don’t accuse them, instead recognize that they are in deep pain.
What are some of your own experiences with your loved ones?
The BPD Group 