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-I sleep too much or not at all

-I eat too much or too little

-I sound disinterested in everything

-I space out a lot

-I’ll ramble a lot or not talk at all

-I make cynical comments, usually about myself

-I push people away

-I avoid eye contact

-I will avoid certain conversations

-I avoid my triggers

-My mind will race

10 Signs You Lack Personal Boundaries

1 you fail to speak up when mistreated

2 you give away too much of your time

3 you agree when you actually feel like disagreeing

4 you feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself

5 you feel taken for granted by others

6 you have toxic relationships

7 you have a chronic fear of what others think of you

8 you over-share details about your life with others

9 you constantly feel like the victim

10 you attract people who try to control or dominate you

What are your personal stories of personal boundaries?

YIN

feminine

negative charge

black

shade

night

the moon

water

cold

wetness

autumn/winter

faded

discreet

indirect

rounded

softness

flexibility

inactivity

stillness

calm

slow

tired

frontside

left side

internal

interior

closed in spaces

mental

even numbers

intuition

storage

quiet

receptive

death

higher pitches

YANG

masculine

positive charge

white

light

day

the sun

fire

heat

dryness

summer/spring

vibrant

obvious

direct

straight

hardness

solidity

activity

movement

energetic

fast

lively

backside

right side

external

exterior

open spaces

physical

odd numbers

logic

usage

loud

giving

life

lower pitches

-you are worthy

-you are allowed to struggle

-you are allowed to talk

-you are not alone

-what happened to you was not your fault

-this too shall pass

-you deserve to take up space

-it is okay if all you did today was breathe

-you deserve to be loved and treated well

-you are not a mistake

-you are not fundamentally flawed

-you don’t need permission to exist

-all of your feelings are valid

-it’s okay to have a bad day, week, or month

-healing is not linear

-you are allowed to ask for help

-it’s okay to not know what you need

-you deserve to heal and feel better

-you have a right to be heard and taken seriously

-it’s okay not to be okay

-you are enough

-you have the right to acknowledge your feelings without having to justify them

This is NOT my responsibility:

-other people’s words

-other people’s mistakes

-other people’s beliefs

-other people’s ideas

-other people’s actions

-the consequences of other people’s actions

This IS my responsibility:

-my words

-my behaviors

-my efforts

-my ideas

-my mistakes

-my actions

-the consequences of my actions

1 They try to have a good motivation for whatever they do

-good motivation is anything which helps other people, animals, insects, and so on

-we might be able to give a little happiness or relief from suffering to someone who needs it

2 They try not to give in to the urge for immediate gratification

-we are putting ourselves in a position for better quality pleasure and happiness

-letting go of the urge for immediate gratification , even deliberately making the effort not to indulge, loosens up the addiction or habit trap

3 They realize that life is too short to spend it being miserable, angry, depressed, jealous, and so on

-it’s much better to investigate why we feel these miserable states and do something about them

-we must make sure that our mind or soul is in a good position for a positive life after death

-since we don’t know when we are going to die, it makes sense to be prepared

4 They develop useful, positive habits

-pride, jealousy, anger, and depression happen when we let go of control over our mind and assume that we are more important than anyone else

-one of the most important habits to develop is the thought that all these negative emotions come from our one’s own mind, from our egos

-habits can be good and useful, and when we try to change our destructive behavior into positive behavior, it may seem hard at first

-instead of wanting everyone to love us, we can learn to love everyone else, instead of getting upset with the least bit of discomfort, we can learn to tolerate it for the time being

5 They recognize the ego for what it is, a mere story that they have made up about themselves

-understanding the ego as a story means that I can be open to change, my external circumstances are always changing, I can change my story, nothing is fixed

6 They cherish others as much as, or more than, they cherished themselves

-when we have an addiction to something, and it could be anything, we are totally focused on ourselves and our own needs

-what would happen if, instead, we became as focused on the needs of other people?

-when you change your object of concern to another sentient being, there is suddenly peace in the very depths of your heart

-at the very moment that your mind changes from self-cherishing to cherishing others, there is liberation, freedom from the tight bondage of the selfish mind

7 They understand how difficulties like addictions are opportunities, not overwhelming obstacles

-as we work on the suffering we experience as a result of addiction and habit, then we acquire skills that otherwise we probably would not develop, we become wiser and more considerate of others

-we develop a natural wish to benefit others instead of harming them, and we look for effective ways to do this

-our “enemies” have actually been excellent teachers, even though that is probably not what they intended, we may have benefited from them, we may be able to say thank you, this is the mind behind forgiveness

For me, BPD has been a constant presence in my life.

I remember having huge feelings from the time I was little. I was very sensitive, and I cried. A LOT. I was very quiet and shy.

Then I had a life-changing experience.

Fourth grade. I come in from recess and hear my teacher saying “I hate that Amber Howard girl” to another teacher. What?! Of course my feelings were hurt. I didn’t understand. I ran to the bathroom and cried.

Then I had a lightbulb moment.

I was suddenly conscious of everything around me. And if she hated me for who I was, a quiet girl who barely talked and never got in trouble, I was going to change who I was and really make her hate me. Yes, that was my plan.

I became a rebel who constantly got into trouble, a truly hated girl. And I didn’t care.

My home life wasn’t any better. I rebelled against my abusive overbearing mother. She was very mean to me, I felt scared all the time. I was always confused by what was happening.

I didn’t know when she would blow up next…

What are some of your favorite DBT skills that work for you and that you’d like to share with others?